www.StrategiesForSingles.com

Are You the One For Me?
with Cathy Snopkowski

Our first discussion question was: What are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship? Some of the answers from participants were:

Being needy -- either emotional, social or financial.

Lonliness and fear of "what's out there."

Pregnancy! Guilt.

Lack of self-esteem.

Expectations -- social, religious.

Gaining status, for example, being a trophy.

Emotional and/or spiritual emptiness.

Second question: What are the biggest mistakes made at the beginning of a relationship? Answers:

Expecting the other person to change.

Rescuing another person.

Making commitment too soon.

Withholding of important information or in any way not being honest.

Not being upfront with what you need, want or who you really are.

Getting sexually involved too quickly or engaging in "reckless" sex.

Third Question: What would you consider "fatal" flaws for a relationship to be successful? Answers:

Fear of commitment.

Extreme differences in religion, politics, life style, philosophy.

Not having recovered from loss.

Toxic children and/or former partners.

Addictions: alcohol, drugs, gambling.

Anger or other extreme emotional problems.

Age difference. Many thought more than five years would be problematic.

For many more ideas on this topic see the book Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis

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More E-Question Responses:

As my Gram would always say about problems in life, give it the old rocking chair test......imagine yourself sitting on your front porch at 90 years old. Would this life problem really matter then? If it would then change it, if not, let it go!

For me it is definetely HONESTY.

Honesty is always my top priority but that's just the start, the tip of the iceberg.

I'd say loyality!

Without honesty, you have nothing, so to me it is the #1.

E-Question: What is the single most important quality you look for in another person for a relationship?
Send your response to Gregg Millett

MOST important is integrity, then compatibility. It helps if he's HOT! There has to be some chemistry - and that's more important than looks.

To be my friend and be supportive.

The most important quality is honesty without which there is no "real" relationship . If you can't be honest both with youself and another you never allow the other person to "see" and know you.

I believe the most important quality is caring and compassion for others. That, along with honesty.

First and foremost it would be that he is trustworthy. Without that, none of the other ones matter anyway!

Honesty....without a doubt...I feel nothing is gained by lies and deceit. No matter how bad they think it is, I still want the truth. I also think that once trust is broken it takes a long time to regain, if it ever is regained..

Without Trust, there is no foundation upon which to build a relationship. You cannot communicate honestly with a person you cannot trust, and communication is another cornerstone of a fully developed relationship.

I am going with the trust. Without it you are missing a foundation on which to build. Without the foundation the relationship will crumble.

I would say Honesty

I'm going to say honesty is the trait I want. Trust is gained through honesty. If you say you want trust in a mate, aren't you really saying you want them to trust you? I think trust is gained through honest communciation and actions. Once truat is broken, it's extremely hard to regain it and that it's regained in degrees. I'm not sure 100% trust can even be re-gained once lost.

I believe that within integrity lies honesty and trustworthiness, and I want someone who is solid in what they believe and do.

I think the ability to be someone's partner is what is the most important quality in a mate, the ability to give and take, to work with another toward a common goal. A relationship involves so much more than trust. Respect, for example, is another important component. One needs to have as much or even more respect for their partner's needs, thoughts, and feelings than they do for their own. I've been in several relationships where trust was never an issue but without respect, without partnership, we were definitely left with nothing.

I'll say compatability

A sense of humor is so important We all face relationship problems. I'd say that 90% are frivolous. So work through the 10% and laugh at the 90%!

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