Learning to Stand on Your Own
with Joan Slingerland

In the three distinct areas of our lives, Financial, Physical and Emotional, human beings tend to depend on someone else for stability. We rely on our financial advisor, our banker or our mate for financial security. We rely on our doctors for physical stability and we rely on our partner, our friends or our parents for Emotional stability. Most often this dependency on another comes from a need. We are unable to do it ourselves so we turn to someone else to do it for us.

Learning to stand on our own in all three areas gives a strong sense of confidence. Taking charge of our finances, knowing what we want and what we are willing or not willing to do to get there and forming a plan gives a person a bases to move into financial security. Taking charge of our physical well being with diet, knowledge of medication and exercise lays the foundation for physical stability. Taking charge of our emotional (social) well being by learning what makes us happy, what we like or don't like and discovering what gives us inner peace gives us emotional stability.

Once we have developed the ability to stand on our own in our lives we can choose to lean on others for support or to enhance what we already have achieved. We can then choose whom we WANT to lean on rather than who we NEED to depend on.

In the discussion participants were asked what needs they have? Needs expressed were financial, physical and social and also practical needs (such as snow removal and house repairs) and intellectual needs. If you find a partner, interdependence grows, and you have someone to care for not take care of.

Second question involved what people like to do alone and don't like to do alone. Personal preferences in this area go both ways on almost every activity; however, dining out and cooking is generally preferred in the company of others and most people like to shop alone! Also many people mentioned not enjoying holidays or vacationing alone.

Third question was: What one thing can you do this year that will allow you to stand on your own? Answers included: improving financial situation, seeking emotional stability; exercise and losing weight, organizing clutter, retiring (again!), trying new things, adding to social life and practice becoming more at ease in social situations.

One sub-theme of the discussion was extremely independent people learning to be interdependent.

A Final Reflection: May you have people in your life who need you, and who you can depend on, as you stand on your own two feet!

Discussion co-leader Joan Slinglerland is a past-president of Singles Outreach and, with her friend Sue Hurley, owns and runs the Old Wesley Inn.

BACK TO HOMEPAGE

E-Question: What social activity do you like, and what social activity do you hate, to do by yourself?
Send your response to Gregg Millett

Like: Going to Monday Night Live.
Dislike: Seeing a movie, whether on TV or in a theater. The inability to share and discuss what I viewed right after makes me feel like I'm going to burst. This extends to other areas.

Personally I like private time alone with a good book. I do enjoy being with other people for dinner, etc but not to excess. If I find a compatible mate it must be someone who also enjoys time alone reading and doing projects between time with friends.

Favorite activity: dancing
Hate to do alone: eat out

I can do any social activity by myself except I do need a partner to dance. However I'm able to attend alone to a dance. I'm pretty independent and like being able to do something when I want to do it.
I don't like watching sports on TV all by myself. I need to share that to enjoy. I need a friend for emotional support, such as when things go wrong. After being alone, after my husband died, I've had to learn a lot to survive, I've always said it's "Sink or Swim" and I'm swimming really well.

I hate to go to concerts at night by my self. and I enjoy everything else that I can think of just as much either by myself or with friends. If I go alone; I just make some new friends there.

Like: Interacting with people on a one to one basis
Hate, having to interact with large groups of people unless I am in charge (i.e. leading a group or lecturing). I like being by myself so almost any activity that I do from cleaning to reading to planning to creating works for me.

LIKE: Meeting new people at large gatherings, having a 'date' is a drag. Dates are possessive even when they dont mean to be.
HATE: Funerals.

I like hanging out by myself. I like the freedom and independence of coming and going when and where I choose, and I believe men are more likely to approach a woman who is alone, as opposed to a group of women (as many tend to do to feel safe). I guess that would be dining out along. I do it because I enjoy it, but would rather share the experience and have someone to converse with while I wait and eat.

Basically I have no problem doing anything alone. However I do dislike dining alone in a restaurant, because I like conversation with my meal.

BACK TO HOMEPAGE