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Second Dates (From Alison) Last time I worked with Gregg on a Monday Night we looked at coffee dates. We discovered that coffee dates were definitely the favorite pick for a first date at Singles Outreach. We went on to discuss why this was and what we could and should learn on this first date. We decided at this time that it would be helpful, to pull back the layers of the onion skin on second dates, so that is our mission this Monday. As I said before I am no expert on dating, but somehow, together, we came up with some excellent ideas and strategies for coffee dates. I’m hoping this Monday we will have as much fun, and that it will be just as constructive, so be prepared to bring your ideas and energies to this discussion group. Obviously if you are going on a second date you survived the first date! Hopefully you have realized that you and your date share some of the same interests, the red flags were not too bad, and you both feel that it is worth exploring the situation a little more at this time. So where should you go on a second date? Is going for a meal at a restaurant the best choice for this date? Or can you suggest a better place or situation to get to know someone more? Now that you’ve got past the first hurdle is “the sweat” off, can you now just relax and enjoy your date or should your antennae still be on? When looking at first dates we talked about the dangers after a divorce or losing a spouse of projecting onto your date the qualities we think we want or need. Is this something we still need to be concerned about now we’ve got past the first date, or should we still be looking at this? How do you avoid getting beyond being flattered by being asked out, so that you really see who you are with and don’t end up being hurt by getting deeply involved with or even marrying the wrong person? As I said before, In spite of traditions or the expectations of others we all deserve to work towards being our fullest selves. It is natural to want to have a partner to share things with in life and having the right partner can play a tremendous part in reaching this goal. But unfortunately, as some of us know too well, investing in the wrong partner can take us very far away from this. So is there any way or secret formula we can use that will help us to truly be awake and really look at who we’re with? As they say “there are no guarantees in life”, but are there steps we can come up with that will help the odds fall more in our favor of having a fulfilling relationship? So let’s get our acting shoes on, put our minds fully to this situation, and share any information we can, so that we can get the most out of our second dates. Question one: Is going for a meal the best place to get to know someone on a second date? We want to hear your stories or your friend’s stories as to why this is or is not the best choice for a second date. Question Two: We’re all human we all have our vulnerabilities, but are there any steps we can take that will make us less likely to be attracted to the wrong person? Is there anything we have learned or can learn from our past mistakes? Two brave couples will come to our restaurant and act out a second date. Lets analyze these dates and see how we can learn the most from these situations. More E-Question Responses: I consider the first meeting much more important than
the 2nd meeting. I know right away, instantly, if I am going to click
with this person, or if there is any attraction whatsoever, be it physical,
intellectually, romantically, interests, whatever! If it so happens I
do click the first meeting..the second date would just be all that more
interesting, and alot more fun...plus I would be more at ease. I have
never made much of a big deal about dates...they're just people..I look
at them as a potential "Friend", rather than a potential "Lifemate",
like some tend to do so often. I agree with the fact that it is really up to the individual's personality........there would be no right nor wrong in whatever you did if both parties agreed it was what they wished to do. It used to be the man's place to plan the dates but why should it be? I would much rather discuss between the 2 people what would they like to do....Myself, I would like a nice dinner date so that a better conversation after the first date jitters are over could be held. You'll usually find both parties more at ease and easier to talk to......I think a more open forum would tend to be on the same level as the first date was. I wouldn't consider the second date a big deal, but it
sure would be nice to know that the person is interested. For the second
date I would go to a movie and than to a fancy coffee shop. You know where
they have a couch and a fireplace. We would be able to talk about the
movie and share about one another.. Hey that sounds romantic and cozy...Maybe
I'll have to do that with my boyfriend. Being female and slightly "old fashioned", it's
rather doubtful I'd be the one to ask him out on a second date...but I'm
sure I'd slip in a hint or two into our conversation with smiles! |
E-Question: You
feel attracted to a person on a first simple coffee date. You ask them
for a second date and they accept. Would you consider the second date
a "big deal" and what would you like to to for your second date? Responses: I'd consider any date to be a "big deal", especially
a date in the eatrly stages. After all, as the song goes, "this could
be the start of something big". I think of a second date as an activity that lends to
conversation, followed by dinner & more time to talk, maybe some dancing.
As far as what I'd like ro do for the second date, dinner
and a movie would probably work. Oh yes it's a big deal. Because if you had a great time
the first date, then this one's really gonna be exciting. I'd let them
surprise me with what we were gonna do. Coffee and a first date is swell. Nice dinner and a movie
is good. Then a slow moonlight walk would seal the third date and don't
forget the rose! A date would be a big deal. A second date would be a really big deal. For the second date I'd like to do something fun and interesting that showed our interests and personalitites, something like an anti-war march or work for an afternoon on a Habitat For Humanity house. Then, if you're still in snyc, you would spend some kind of quite time together. |