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Love Lies 1. Not True: You have to learn to love yourself before you can love another. 1. True: You have to learn to love others before you can love yourself. Self-helpism looks for problems witin one person, but it is ultimately in our relationships that health and happiness reside. Self-awareness and personal authenticity are essential for maturity, but that awareness cannot be found in a vacuum. 2. Not True: True love is emotional. 2. True: Ture love is not emotional; it's volitional. Love is blind refers to romantic love. This is the kind of loving in which we mistake the arousing stateof emotional infatuation with the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual effort required to establish, maintain, and grow a lasting bond. Love is as much a matter of the mind as it is the heart. 3. Not True: Enduring love is unconditional. 3. True: Enduring love is conditional, not unconditional. Love should not excuse inconsiderate or selfish behavior. Love carries responsibility. Some people believe they should love their partner no matter what; others believe that they deserve love, no matter how they behave. Both are wrong! We don't deserve love, we earn it. The conditions of being loved include how caringly we speak, how openly we listen, how far we go out of our way to help, how much time we spend on growing a relationship, and how much personal responsibility we take for the quality of the relationship and our partner's life. 4. Not True: Healthy love is a matter of finding the right person. 4. True: Healthy love is a matter of being the right partner, not finding the right person.Would you want to be married to you? If we hope to develop a more loving, lasting, and fulfilling relationship, the first step is to put our focus on our own love-worthiness by being the right partner, not trying to find one. More E-Question Responses: Gosh, hard to remember. Blessed are the young people & maybe not so young as well that have a romantic fire in their hearts. You are TRULY blessed! I do tend to fall quickly deeply and madly in love .. but then for some reason that scares men... so it is not a great benefit for a long term lasting romance. Some where along the way I tend to just give up........ No to question #1, and No to question #2..I say this because I don;t think people who fall in love so quickly, generally last, as a rule. Being friends first..that's what counts...Everything else will follow, and fall into place. And...if it doesn't, at least you haven't given your heart completely away, only as a friend. You still have a friend, no matter what..hopefully. I fell in love 15 years ago and still love him as much now as then. I
will always love him and our children. Would he say the same i don"t
know. I have "fallen in love" once. It happened quickly yet it feels like it will last a lifetime. I tend to keep to myself and don't get close but this feels like a miracle and meant to be. It can't hurt our relationship because we are also best friends and respect each other totally. I didnt fall in love, I jumped in ... eyes wide open! I only fell in love once myself - it took about a year, but once I did, it stuck... I actually love my teddybear more now than I did when I was young and immature. So in my case, I believe it was the basis for a long-term relationship. I don't fall in love quickly, but I do fall deeply when it happens. My
ex was the first and it hasn't been quite the same with anyone else since.
It seemed to be a good base at the time, obviously it wasn't enough. Now
I'm older and less blind I guess. I'm not always sure of the meaning of
being "in love" either. I mean is it love or lust? Is it that
gut wrenching feeling that you don't want to be without them? Whatever
it is, it's been awhile. |
E-Question: Do
you tend to fall in love? Does falling in love tend to serve
you as a good basis for long-term relationships? I only did that once, after that I do my best to lead with my head instead
of my hormones. I still tend to make decisions based on emotions rather
than what is in my best interest. No such thing as love at first sight,
it takes quite some time for love to develop. I have had it both ways. But for me I perfer the later.... I think many "fall" in love, thinking they are in love when in reality, they actually love being in love which to me isn't the real thing.......to me you have to have the whole package between two people to actually fall in love and sustain a relationship.........love is an ups and down life between two people who are willing to share both...I don't do this easily. No I don't fall IN love easily. I have loved several men in my relationships over the years. But falling IN love is so very different than loving someone. I think you only find out the difference when you have actually fallen IN love with someone I have had three relationships in my life. I was married twice and twice widowed and now I have another relationship but my second husband was the one that I fell in love with very deeply. I loved my first husband but I was not in love with him. I don't fall in love quickly. I like to be friends at first and it takes a while to fall in love. Falling in love is not the same as loving someone. I was married once & thought I was "in love" but after
17 yrs it fell apart then I fell hard & fast for a man whom I only
knew via the net well it ended in a mess but I know in my heart I loved
him & probably always will. Since that time I have not fallen for
anyone Is there truly such a thing? I thought I had a "true love", how do you define 25 years gone? Then I met someone whom I knew was a "soulmate", deep in my heart I knew. I was happy, free to be me, loved, nurtured for once, I thought I found it...but, then...I returned, did my duty, came back and nurtured and loved again, add a few more years to the 25, but is not returned. I live, but know no love. What is love? Good question. I think respect is the foundation to a long lasting relationship. After the lust is over and it is when reality hits, bills, illness and just LIFE. You have to have something to build on and a new deminsion is added to your relationship.Love is comfortable. You respect the others accomplishments and work toward a common goal. |