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How To Get To Know Another Person The evening began with a role-play in which Ann interacted with (or kind of "interviewed") Joan, who volunteered. In three minutes Ann learned about Joan's Bed and Breakfast, where she worked and what she did there and about her children. Then they got into a rapport over food and what Joan served at her B & B. The audience agreed that the interchange was energetic and engaging. Next Ann interacted with volunteer Marty (at a hypothetical little-league game in which she had a nephew playing). In a natural, although somewhat "fast-forward" manner, Ann found out that he was divorced with amicable relations with his former spouse and very devoted to his children. She found out what he did and where he lived and then asked for some advice related to a problem she had which was related to his work expertise. Then with only 10 seconds left, of her 3 minutes, she asked him where there was a nice place close by to grab a bite. This was interpreted as an invitation which was accepted. The audience thought that the interchange was a bit one-sided and aggressive but generally stood in amazement at Ann's after-game meeting that was arranged. This brought on a discussion of "the risk" one often has to take to establish a relationship with another. Someone has to create the opportunity for interacting with the person in the future (or they may be gone forever!). In the Marty and Ann case, Marty said that if he wanted to extend the interaction after the "after-game snack," he'd ask her out to dinner. Ann said that, indeed, he would have to make the next "move" as she had already extended herself. She thought dinner would be a very nice next meeting. We then moved to what people thought were good activities to get to know another (see responses to the E-Question). Groups discussed the question and came up with: dinner, walking, running, canoeing, art exhibits, museums, festivals, drives, coffee, sky-diving, dancing, miniature golf and movies. An underlying theme was that people need to participate in an activity that provides for conversation and brings out people's responses to stress, newness, activity, politeness, etc. The final round of discussion involved what people thought about snap-judgments and intuition in making judgments about others. People watch for eye-contact, attentiveness, openness, smile, friendliness, sense of humor, anger, depression and respect (e.g. how they treat people in the service trades such as a food server). Most people trust their intuitons. Some have grown to trust them more as they get older; others actually try to keep the "critical judgment" in the background to be open and learn more about people. It was suggested that women are more feeling intuitive and men more logically intuitive. More E-Question Responses Below: I think those LONG dates are too much. A lunch to get to know the person is a good start, if in fact you want to know more about him/her. You also get to see if their eating skills are up to your standards as well. Just from the get go! For me, if they don't use their utensils well or eat like a hillbilly, or talk with their mouth full.. that would be a deal breaker for me right then and there! Observe how he/she behaves during stressful situations.
Meet his friends and I would have to say that going out for dinner works well for me to get to know a person more than any other activity I can think of. You can observe their tact and their character while getting to know a little of their history throughout the meal with light dinner conversation. Two weekends together, one in the country and one in a city. Taking a leisurely walk in the mall. A trail run. Person has to be a runner also, but if there are places to run side by side, some good conversations can take place. Cross-country skiing also works. Can move along at various speeds and it not as demanding as other activities. Stops for snacks and areas that have double trails, allow for conversations. Hiking also works. I have also tried roller blading (I am not very good) and biking also gives opportunity to get to know someone. I would have to say that the best way to get to know someone is through playing cards. You find out if they are a good winner or loser right away. If they are a positive thinker or do they easily give up. Do they gloat for fun or do they really gloat to make themselves look good and you feel bad. You can learn a whole lot about someone just playing cards. P.S. A red flag if they are sore losers and bad winners. Any sport shows how they handle losing and winning, and
that says a lot Having coffee after the "Monday Night Live"
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E-Question: What
do you think is a good activity to learn about another person? A good activity would be to play charades then you could find out a lot of things about that person by his/her actions and also when the person is talking you could ask if he/she is working and where. I've always thought going to the Zoo was a nice idea. You don't have to have that awful silence in a conversation. You can exchange thoughts as you walk. I think possibly a full day of activities.........a breakfast with talk and then some shopping maybe to see how patient the person can be as well as their tastes in things, then maybe to meet friends and find out how polite and out going the person might be as well as maybe meeting a few of their friends could help. Maybe a long ride in the country so that casual talk can occur and discuss many subjects, books, work, school days, family, past relationships, etc. Then a home cooked meal with both participating in preparing the meal..........This sounds like a lot but it does encompass pretty much as what we all are about eh? I'd love to see how they react to small children and the elderly as well as the poor. I'd also like to see how they react at a party of very rich and sophisticated people. I'd definitely need to know their athletic abilities as well as how smart they are. Are they emotional, sensitive and caring? Do they take care of themselves physically and mentally? Do they have an imagination and humor? I think taking a walk would be good so you have plenty
of time to talk....dinner for the same reason. I think going out to dinner together and sharing some quiet place where there aren't a lot of distractions. Like maybe for a drive or a walk. Driving in heavy traffic. This activity seems to bring out a persons true personality. I like to look at a person from a distance. I don't mean far away but kind of like looking at the bigger picture. You can often tell what someone is like by standing back and observing. It's really a lot of fun to suggest something your new friend has never done. It could be skiing, hiking, or maybe even taking in a dog show, a flea market, an auction or even a sporting event. Then, see how the new friend responds to something foreign. It can tell quite a bit. With any luck, the new friend will have a good and new adventure and be excited; but sometimes they express criticism or behave in some negative way (usually with comments). It's a great way to get to know how someone responds--especially to something new. Then, suggest your friend come up with something you've never before done and do that. You learn a lot about yourself too. Something fun at first like maybe go carts, or at a fair with those bumper cars to see what kind of humor this person has and it doesn't require a whole lot of conversation yet speaks volumes as to how they handle getting beat. I've always thought a nice walk outdoors is a good way to get talking with someone. But depending what your into such as animals swimming skating whatever it may be. I think you need to put yourself in the positions that you enjoy being in to find a person with some same common ground as you. It's a beginning. I know whenever I see a person out and about with either a dog or a child it's always very easy to strike up a conversation. It has to be ice-skating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can show off your skills, and be as talkative as you like, but then you will have a shoulder/arm/hand to cling onto if you feel as though you are going to fall. |