www.StrategiesForSingles.com

Feelings
with Andrea Isaacs

Some people are more comfortable with a limited range of feelings, i.e., they don¹t feel great despair or sadness, nor do they have tremendous joy. Others prefer to dip into the depths of dark feelings and also have the capacity of great joy.

This was illustrated to me by a story my friend, Nancy told me about going to her daughter¹s wedding. She was amazed at how absolutely happy her daughter was. On reflection, she realized she had never allowed herself to experience that amount of happiness. She knew she had been protecting her heart from hurt, but then realized by doing so, it also limited her capacity for joy. She decided at that point to expand this comfort range.

It¹s not that a more or less limited range of feelings is good or bad, that one is better or worse than the other. The benefits in knowing about this range of comfort are:
-- to recognize what your comfort range is;
-- to learn how to be accepting of others who have a different comfort range;
-- to ask ourselves if we want our intimate partner to have the same or a different comfort range;
-- if we are in a relationship with someone who has a different comfort range, conflicts will occur. How will we deal with them?

First question of the evening was with one other person:
Do you think you have a narrow or a broad range of feelings?

Second Question was for small group discussion:
This was to find out how we react to someone who has a different range. The question was in 2 parts:

-- How do you react when someone asks you about your feelings? Do you like that?, or do you find it intrusive?

-- Changing that around, are you the kind of person who likes to ask others about their feelings?, or would you rather wait until they speak up and tell you?

Reports from the groups:
One person said, "You can ask me how I'm feeling, and even if I'm feeling lousy and, with a great big smile on my face, I'll say, Fine! And I'll never ask you how you feel. I'll tell you I¹m there for you when you're ready to talk, but I won't ask."

Several said it depended on who they were asking and who was asking. They're much more inclined to go into depth about their feelings if there's some history, if they know each other well, than if it's a more casual acquaintance.

One person said he'd run the other way if you asked.

First experiential exercise
Background: One of the e-questions in preparation for the evening was, "What emotional traits to you admire in others that you'd like to have more of?" Since many of the responses addressed confidence, an exercise was designed to give people a chance to experience how a confident person moves.

There is a relationship between personality and the body. If you feel or think a certain way, it'll cause your body to feel or move a certain way, and trains the neuron pathways (the body's information system) to express that way of thinking and feeling.

If there are certain inner states you wish you had more of, like confidence, peacefulness, focused attention, the body doesn't have well-developed neuron pathways for their expression.

You can translate those elucive inner states into movement and train the body's neuron pathways for the expression of those states. Put another way, you can move in the way of a confident person, and train the neuron pathways for the physical expression of confidence. When you want to feel more confident, you can trigger that neuron pathway by moving a certain way, and the feeling of confidence will arise.

Introductory exercise
First a simple movement vocabulary of space (direct or indirect), time (fast or slow) and energy (firm or light) was introduced, and then combined in different ways to create a range of different feelings.

Small group discussions
These discussions focused on talking about how it felt to move with the different combinations of space, time and energy.

Second experiential exercise
The second exercise had people moving "in the way of" a confident person (usually direct and firm) and moving "in the way of" a more laid back, calm person (usually indirect and gentle).

Small group discussions
People talked about their preference. Usually people preferred one or the other, and sometimes felt very out of place doing one of them. This would be because that behavior or feeling is more foreign, not something you experience often. Some people said they could see how moving in a the way of a confident person could bring on the feeling of confidence.

Concluding statements:
It's helpful to know whether you have a preference for a more limited or more expansive emotional range, to accept the difference in others, and to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone who has the same or a different range. If you're in a relationship with someone who has a different range, know that there will be occasional conflicts because of it.

If there's an emotion you admire in others and want more of for yourself, try moving in a way that captures that feeling. It will energize the body¹s neuron pathways that will give rise to that feeling.

Andrea Isaacs combines experience as a dancer and choreographer with meditation and psychology to create original work in the emerging fields of Emotional and Physical Intelligence. The foundation of her work is the relationship between personality and the body. This is explored by translating emotional energy into physical energy. Using the simple movement concepts of space, time and energy, a variety of inner states can be explored, increasing one's Emotional IQ. Andrea is a writer, editor and has her own private practice. You can visit her website at www.physical-intelligence.com.

BACK TO HOMEPAGE

More E-Question Responses:

Question #4: What feeling do you most admire in others and want more of for yourself?

Responses: Laid back approach where they never worry about something until it actually happens.

Self confidence

Security

Confidence

Courage/Thoughfulness

Self Confidence/Trust

Sensitiveness

Calmness

Wisdom

Joy

The ability to take a risk regardless the consequences to make things happen........I do up to a point but then I worry about others and sometimes stay my hand.....

Confidence. I wonder how much is not accomplished because one "Fears" to try?

Compassion. We need to feel more compassion for our fellow humans.

Empathy...being able to put myself in someone elses place before I judge or speak

Courage and confidence

E-Questions: Four Questions
Send your response to Gregg Millett

Question #1: What is your favorite feeling?

Responses: Feeling loved because this encompasses "feeling" respected, valued, safe, trusted, confident, special, at the very least.

Being in love

A feeling of "home" and comfort

Joy/Excitement

In terms of touch: Soft/fluffy

Feeling loved and having someone you love love you back and trust with your soul 100%

Feeling loved and accepted for the person I am.

Contentment puctuated by excitement.

When I look at the one I love and am so overwhelmed that words escape me and all I feel is this amazing warmth deep inside.

Feeling loved and being able to trust

Love...I love being able to love

Joy - from whatever source it comes.

Holding a little, sleeping baby in my arms. Touching his or her little face and looking deep into their souls knowing what lies ahead. They are so small and innocent but the days and years ahead will be filled with learning and some day they will grow enough to become young adults making their own decisions. I am just amazed at how life works.

Being in love.

Loving and being loved in return.

The feeling of accomplishment in seeing the the kids growing up to be independent, caring individuals. Today being Fathers' Day, I had the pleasure of being with them, and looked back with the pride of knowing that I had at least some part in raising them.

Safety

Tranquility

Love - affectionate love - the way you feel when you are hugging a person you care for, and they are hugging you back ... wow!

The wind on face as I ride my motorcycle. There is a different world out there when it is you and the open road.

Compassion, like the kind Mother Theresa had for her fellow humans.

When someone compliments me sincerely, and tells me that I've done a good job, or that I'm a good mom or something like that. I guess it's a feeling of accomplishment or to be appreciated.

Question #2: What is your least favorite feeling?

Responses: That panicky feeling when you lose someone or something happens you can't control but can't imagine ever being able to cope with.

Rejection

Vulnerability

Abandonment

Depression

Pain/Broken Heart

In terms of touch: Rough/Course

Anxiety, worried or stressed over something makes me feel anxious.

Losing control of a situation that could hurt somebody.

Envy

Uncertainty

Fear and anxiety

Insecurity

Losing trust in someone I think cares about me.

Hurt, disappointment, mistrust

Fear

When my feelings have been hurt ...by someone I love or by someone I like.

Being alone or being lonely and you can feel alone and still be with someone.

To feel panicked and full of anxiety.

Shame

Question #3: Is there a feeling you're afraid of?

Responses: That something bad might happen to those I love.

Incompetence

Vulnerability

In terms of touch: Heat

Anger but I have learned to deal with it over the years.

Depression.

Loss of a close friend or family member or leaving this world too soon myself.

Total helplessness, or a great loss.

When I have made a very close friend and losing him/her.

Fear

The sensation of falling....it just strikes terror in my heart.

Uselessness

Envy..I think envy and greed cause people to do things that are not good for them or another.

Anguish

Lonliness

Feeling smothered or closed in.

Anger...not so much mine but other people's. Not knowing how one will react.

Helplessness

BACK TO HOMEPAGE