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Dating: What do they mean by ... ? In this discussion we dealt with some of the strange and quizzical things
that people say to each other in dating situations (all of these questions
and statements having been said to or by someone in the group). It was
agreed that interpretations depend upon many factors including the circumstances,
body language, voice inflection, the pairs history together and each individual's
history, etc. We started with the E-question, "Shall we take it to the next level?"
You can see from the E-question responses the variety of interpretations
of this question. It appears that physical intimacy, emotional intimacy,
exclusive dating and "what the heck does that mean?" are the
major interpretations. Next question was, "Are you the real thing?" First interpretations
were incredulous followed by wondering how many of the person's body parts
were artificial or transplants! This was followed by a sympathetic feeling
about encountering someone really nice, and quite unexpected, and such
a line might come blurting out. "Ask anyone how great I am?" followed by laughter and moving on to "Who was that guy (or gal) I saw you with?" This was a difficult
one that needs to be sorted out. Maybe it's a Red Flag for jealousy or
maybe first sign of deceit. "I'll go the distance for you." People thought this meant a
strong commitment to an emotional or significant relationship; or maybe
that a health problem would not stand in the way of commitment; or a masculine
gesture that a "trip to the alter" was in the future. The line
was actually used in a first encounter by a man to a woman and he meant,
"Wow, you look great; if we can get it on, let's get going!" Groups selected the most interesting, or wacky, lines they'd heard which
included: Pairs of people in groups role-played the question, "Can we go over
to your place?" In one group the man declined. He felt it was an
invitation to a level of intimacy that he was not ready for. In another
group they went over to her place, had coffee and decided that on their
next date they'd go over to his place. Third group - she declined but
deflected the invite comfortably to a stop by a diner for coffee. In the
fourth group the couple had come back from a hike and were all muddy.
He asked to stop by for a shower but only got hosed off in the yard! In
another group the pair simply comfortably decided that stopping by her
house for coffee and more conversation was a good idea. In the last group
the woman was declined an invitation to stop by her house and retorted,
"Do you think I spend this kind of money on a date without a little
stopover at my house!" We ended with, "How would you like to come over for a home-cooked
meal?" Some people saw it simply as a nice opportunity to get to
know each other better; others saw it as a big deal and a definite invitation
to a potentially significant relationship. Final Reflection: If you don't know what they meant and you want to know -- ASK! More E-Question Responses: It's been a while since I've dated, but in none of my
prior relationships did we sit down and discuss "taking it to the
next level." We just either evolved or broke up. Definitely reaching a conclusion about fidelity is part of the next step. It's also being able to express feelings openly and comfortably, meeting friends and family as a "couple" and, for me, cooking for them. When I make a meal for someone that is a pretty good indication I am ready to move from partying playmates to something more consistent and settled. That's the southern gal in me, I suppose. Begin a serious relationship I always felt that it means Sex, but if you have had sex, it could mean that you may be considering being "serious" about your relationship! I would think it means sex and or getting more committed,
possibly even dropping out of the dating circle and concentrating on just
her/him. I think it means, "OK, I'll introduce you to my parents!" |
E-Question: After
a couple nice dates what is meant by, Shall we take our relationship
to the next level? Maybe it means he finally picks up the tab! No, seriously, to me it means you go beyond dinner dates, to something more meaningful. The other wants there to be an emotional or physical attachment. Shall we go steady? Forsaking all others and all that there stuff? First I'd have to say that someone (either of the 2 individuals) want to know if the other is willing to go further -- either in intimacy and/or seeing each other on a regular basis. Hopefully they're being honest with the other person. Hmm… the next level -- I would have to say that if I were asked that question I would interpret it as meaning that the person wanted physical and emotional intimacy. I would interpret it as him wanting to be exclusive, monogamous, or however you would categorize not dating anyone else. When a woman says it, she probably wants more commitment. When a man says it, he probably wants sex. How trite, tired and old! If a man said that to me, I fear I would laugh. I would assume that it would mean either a commitment to see only each other or probably in this day and age "go to bed". I think the person probably means to take a weekend trip together in the Adirondacks (with a fresh cold) to see how we handle life together; or maybe they mean to have an hour's focused discussion together after seeing "Barbarian Invasions"; or maybe to go to the dentist together; or maybe spending an afternoon together putting in a garden; or maybe visiting an old people's home together and then cooking dinner at home; but maybe, if they're desperate and unimaginative, they mean to hop in bed with this stranger and add to each other's list. I would consider "the next level" to mean a sexual encounter. Keep on dating once a week and share information about yourselves. Talk on the phone during the week a little. To me, this is such an open ended question! Therefore, it needs open and HONEST COMMUNICATION! Each of you needs to be very specific about what that means to you. I would respond that the "next level" means, first, that we would be exclusive with each other, we would keep going out and having fun, to see if we truly feel comfortable enough with each other to be honest and NOT playing games and see if trust is beginning to build. The 'next level' would NOT INCLUDE "SEX". I am a firm believer that a strong foundation of friendship (based on honesty & trust) is needed BEFORE sexual activity is acted upon. Being pressured for sex is such a turn off to me! If the couple dating enjoyed their dates and now both discuss taking the relationship to the next level -- that to me means exclusively dating one another, hopefully to find out if the relationship is what they actually want long-term and are looking for -- to perhaps sometime in the future make a commitment -- whether common-law relationship or marriage. To me, taking a relationship to the next level means that if you are compatible then you would be loyal to one another. After a couple of dates, if a couple are still going out together, it means that it's serious. Probably stop seeing others you may have casually been involved with -- concentrate on the two of you -- become more intimate -- meet close friends & families would definitely mean you're an item! I have never been asked to take it to the next level. It either goes there or it doesn't. If a few dates can be considered substantial enough to
ask that question then both parties should know this without actually
having to ask the question. It should just flow into the next level. I
feel if someone has to ask then either they are insecure about the relationship
or the other is negative enough about it not to show the signs. It means that someone is trying to over analyze the situation,
and steer the relation ship. Or it means I'm ready to "go steady"
but I'm afraid that you aren't. |