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What's On Your List?
E-Question: Do you have a list of qualities that you are looking for in a partner? Have you found it useful?
Send your response to Gregg Millett

E-Q Responses:

I do have such a list! Over the years to remind me of what works & what turned out to be a disaster, I refer to my "Dating Guide Wish List". As I mature my needs, wants, and desires also have changed. I find this list to be a lighthouse on a stormy night. Helps me focus and not get distracted by a handsome face or soft voice.

I have never had a check-off list but at the rate I am going I believe it would be a good idea. I use to believe when you met someone you would know if it was right. It doesn't seem to be that way anymore. Now it is like going grocery shopping.

Human female--Am I being too picky?

My list tends to be things I want to avoid: liar, cheat, control freak, abuser, egotist, manipulator, etc.... (All traits my ex had).

In response to next weeks topic, Do I have a check off list for what I'm looking for in a partner: Although I think that I am an open, flexible, non-judgmental, without prejudices person, I am finding out that throughout my life there has become a definite "theme" in which I choose a prospective partner. I realize that I am a caretaker and tend to find men who "need me" to "care" for them, but have failed to find that "one special one" who reciprocates. With years of disappointment from men who haven't been there for me, I am slowly learning to put my needs first. Without sounding selfish, I find that I have to be there for myself, first, otherwise I become drained and depressed from giving and not receiving. And although I feel that I have been very independent, that independence has been a double-edged sword for me. Some men see my independence as NOT NEEDING anyone to care for me, therefore, I am the one doing all of the work. I need to learn to find someone who compliments my needs and is willing to meet me, at least, half way for a meaningful long lasting relationship.With all of that said, my short list of "expectations" in another is for them to be there for me as I would be there for them.

In retrospect I wish I had a check-off list and stuck with it. Now I love a
man I have little in common with. Many, many problems but I find it difficult
to "walk away".

I think it's important to know what you're looking for in a potential partner. I don't write out a check-off list, but I do keep a mental note. Most important to me is finding someone you can talk to and being able to communicate if a conflict arises. I think having been married and divorced, you know what you don't want, and you don't want to repeat the same mistake. I want to find out what we have in common and what is different about each other. If you're looking for a long term relationship, you want to be sure that it is something you can live with and be happy together.

I used to have a list...it was a list of what I didnt like:
no white men ( prefered ethnic)
no tall men (too scary for short lil me)
no overly friendly men (too apt to be too busy for me)
Then i met someone who knocked my socks off, who for reasons still mysterious to me gave me butterflies at first sight and a deep need to get to know every facet of his life.
He was perfect, IS perfect except for the fact that he is a tall white friendly man. I threw away my dumb list...I'm keeping that tall white friendly man because I love him!

I never had a list, I just knew when I met him, it was "HIM"

I'm sort of thinking that if I actually knew what I should be looking for in a partner, I wouldn't be divorced AND single right now.

I never had a "real" list, but I certainly had a "mental" list of qualities I was looking for in all people, not just a mate. I believe in honesty, tolerance, respect, acceptance, kindness, gentleness, selflessness. Actually, I think 1 Corinthians 13 sums it up perfectly.
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.......There are three things that will endure -- faith, hope and love -- and the greatest of these is love." I have been extremely blessed to have found a man who is a great example of true love. He passed my "list" with flying colors. Me? Well, I'm still struggling with a lot of the list, but I'm trying.. Just think, though, wouldn't this be a great world if all of us tried, even a little, to follow this principal? What an awesome thought!

I think before you have a list you should have to know yourself first.
I think it would be a good idea at least to have a mental note of what you want and you should never settle for less.
Me on the other hand -- didn't know myself or what I wanted....thus divorced once.
Married now for 20yrs...but I still didn't have the mental list...and still didn't know what I wanted, I was wearing the rose coloured glasses.

No, never had a list. If I ever had to find a mate again though, there would be a few things I think would be mandatory traits (from my past and current experience.)

No, never had a list..Never really knew what to look for...ended up marrying two different men who were like my father, my real father...not very nice ones. I came from a very dysfunctional home, alcoholism, abuse, etc. So I don;t think any of us kids knew what to look for. We thought our home was normal..we didn;t know any better..until we got older and started going to our friends homes and started realizing...Wow...We secretly wished we lived in theses homes. So, as far as a list..don;t have one..even now..22 yrs divorced now..and older and much much wiser...I DO know what I want now though. I will not settle, like so many seem to do. I'd rather live alone than settle. I have to say I would love to meet someone with similar interests...you just never know. In the meantime, I am content with my life..if I meet someone , well, that would simply add to my life. We all have flaws, but there are certain mates I would not want..as some flaws are serious ones.

A list ? even at 15 when I met my husband I knew what I wanted. I wanted a big, big country boy with blue eyes and a ready smile.. I wanted him to have a big teddybear tummy and he had to love the outdoors , camping , hunting , fishing and last but not least he had to love me. oh it help to know that I just desribed my Grandpa. If I couldnt have him I wanted the next best thing..

I've never had a list, but I did know there were certain men that wouldn't attract me what so ever. I still had/have some standards.

Never had a list, If I did'nt get that special feeling, I would pass...........

I never had a list. Maybe I should have because I have made some really dumb choices! Now I have grown up. I have become very content with myself. I think I have become a whole person. I will not settle again for less than another whole person. For the first time in my life I don't need someone to complete me. It is an incredible feeling of "being". It took a long time to get here.

That is a interesting question I suppose one could think of it as a list but I think of it as qualites. Yes, I do have qualities I would need when & if I ever find the person that is right for me

Hmmmm...no list, really....but, I do look for certain things....non-smoker, loves dogs, caring, has his own car, his own place to live, employed, great sense of humor and a nice smile!

I never had a list although there were a few things to consider, as with anyone. I honestly think that if someone had to have a written list then they aren't wanting a partner in life but more like expectations.......those I don't like.........our relationship is filled with the best yet also with tiny little things that make it even more interesting......after all...no one is perfect........

As far as I'm concerned, physical appearance is not important to me. That is, looks take a back seat to other qualities, such as sense of humor, common sense, honesty, compassion, and I can go on but you get my drift.

I guess I have a mental list...things that haven't worked out in the past would be red flags for the next.......

I never had a list but I was looking for special qualities in a man. Ended up with the wrong one the first time but got the right one the second time. I was more picky. Good question.

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