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It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken

E-Question: In a relationship breakup that you have experiened, can you identify one thing that was definitely broken?
Send your response to Gregg Millett

E-Q Responses:

Six responses said that it was trust that was broken (usually referring to an affair)

Six responses said it was a communication breakdown.

Other responses included the following:

The one thing that was definately broken in a relationship break up was 'everything'.

When you don't agree on important issues, like marriage, the relationship
is broken. It's not about who's right or who's wrong, simply a difference of interest. One needs to know when to say good-bye and move on. Sometimes we don't make the needed changes in our lives because we don't want to deal with the initial pain, which is temporary. It's true, time does heal...I know.

A sense that I "belonged" and that I mattered.

Broken was my heart for a very long time: Why: I'm still not sure.

Where she saw irreconcilable differences, I saw opportunities to complement each other to build a more perfect whole then we could be separately. Where she saw my bad habits, I dreamt of her being the reason why I should improve. She saw the present: unchangeable, like a prison. I saw the future: anything is possible. We were both sad. My idealism was
definitely broken. But I think it will grow back, perhaps in a strengthened form, because human nature requires that we must have an unreachable star. But I will try to improve my bad habits anyhow.

My toe from kicking him in the arse on his way out the door!

With my 1st and 3rd wife, A lotta dishes got broken.

A divorce or a break up is like a death. It hurts.

Lack of equality, he was way too controlling.

Lack of responsibility on his part

He was WAY too controlling and self-centered.

Respect, honor, commitment, sincerity, and, and, and,...it was All broken!
But then again I think I was personally was broken...broken down into believing I could fix something irrepairable!

That was broken, .. our commiment to one another.

Respect

For me it was my Heart.

The blue plate that I threw at him so he would know I was serious!

My heart the first time and my bank account the second time.

Dreams of a wonderful life together.

Appreciation

Respect

NOTE: John Gottman in Why Marriages Succeed or Fail says that the major signs of a failing relationship are -- Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Toward the end he says -- the problems are severe; there are no solutions; each person starts to lead an independent life and lonliness is intense.

In a healthy realationship Gottman says there are five positive strokes for every negative one! In the discussion we did a couple role-plays of a couple, just home after a hard, mutually tough day at work. It was interesting to observe the positive and negative elements involved in the couples' interaction. One interesting thing did emerge; the upbeat person did pull the other, more negative person, out of a potential negative slide.

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