www.StrategiesForSingles.com

Body Language
with Andrea Isaacs

Introduction
Over 90% of communication is non-verbal. When we meet someone, we do a video scan of that person, whether we're conscious of it or not. We take in everything from what the person looks like, to the posture, facial expressions, movement, gestures, tone of voice, and whether they reach out and touch you. There are certain "body language memories" that are forever etched. A way of standing can bring to mind a close friend you haven't seen in years, the way your father gestured, the way a friend "put her foot down."

First interaction with another person was to share a body language memory.

Question One (in groups) Mixed Messages

We've all seen them and sent them. In a simple way, it's saying "no" and meaning "yes," or saying "yes" and meaning "no." It could be looking away from someone while saying how glad you are to see him. It could be clenching your jaw and with a grimace, saying "I'm not angry."

Comments from the groups:

o Someone saying, "Pardon me for interrupting while you're still talking"
o Being hit on while dancing
o Some talked more about verbal language, such as "do you want to go out?"
o There were examples from different cultures. When in Japan, when they say "yes," they often mean "no." This got very confusing.
o Discussed some verbal and physical expressions. Example: Landlord asking for the rent, and tenant saying "I'll pay," but doesn't.
o In dating, picking up the meaning of body language is more important
o Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day: spouse may say "Don't do anything," but is then disappointed if you don't do anything
o A lot was said about the body position of crossing the arms. Possible meanings: anger, focusing, comfortable and relaxed. It doesn't necessarily indicate hostility. It's important to check out your interpretation before making an assumption.

Question Two (in groups)
Body Posture: leaning towards versus leaning away from

Exercise:
A. Everybody in the circle lean in, towards each other. One at a time, go around the circle and say your name, where you live now, and where you lived just before that.
B. Everybody in the circle lean backwards, away from each other. One at a time, go around the circle, say your name, where you were born, and one significant move.
C. Discuss the difference between leaning towards and leaning away from.

Comments from the group:
o Leaning in: all the women preferred leaning in. Most of the men seemed equally comfortable in both positions.
o The men felt leaning towards became tense and uncomfortable and it was something they couldn't maintain for a long time; leaning back was more pleasurable and relaxed
o If you want closeness, it's more effective to lean in
o Leaning in is better for hearing (especially in a noisy room); more cozy; more good vibes
o Leaning away felt more judgmental; for many (men) it felt more normal and not distant at all
o Leaning in was much more comfortable, easier to focus on what others were saying
o Leaning away: harder to focus on what the person was saying

Question Three (in groups)
Non-verbal Body Language/Gestures

We all use non-verbal gestures when we speak and when we listen. A nod of the head, crossing the legs, standing or sitting in a way that matches the person you're having a conversation with, or in a way that does not match it.

Exercise:
A. One person in the group does a body language gesture
B. Everybody else is a mirror, doing the same gesture
C. Occasionally somebody can "rebel" and deliberately NOT do the gesture
D. Next person around the circle does the gesture, and so on around the circle
E. After everybody has gone, consider the following:
- did you have a preference for initiating or mirroring the gesture?
- did you have a preference for initiating or mirroring the gesture?
- what was it like when you initiated a gesture and everybody matched you?
- what was it like when you initiated a gesture and somebody rebelled?
- what was it like to be the mirror and having everybody respond in unison?
- what was it like to be the person NOT mirroring, i.e., being the rebel?

Comments from the group:
o Sometimes not matching/mirroring somebody was because that person wasn't physically able to match the gesture
o If you want to make a connection with someone, it's a good idea to match their body language, i.e., to mirror them
o One person felt mocked when others repeated her gesture
o If you don't like what you're seeing, you can look the other way
o In one group, one of the people "mirroring" the leader got distracted and didn't respond. The person initiating the gesture tapped her on the knee to get her attention so he could get the response he wanted.
o A new member of the group felt that crossing arms in front of the chest would be confrontational, but could see that once you're more familiar with each other, the gesture could be used in more ways
o Everybody felt comfortable mirroring
o In one group, a person mirroring did the gesture "wrong," and was corrected. It felt important that the communication be clear and seemed to be a reflection of how much we all want to understand verbal messages.

Andrea Isaacs combines experience as a dancer and choreographer with meditation and psychology to create original work in the emerging fields of Emotional and Physical Intelligence. The foundation of her work is the relationship between personality and the body. This is explored by translating emotional energy into physical energy. Using the simple movement concepts of space, time and energy, a variety of inner states can be explored, increasing one's Emotional IQ. Andrea is a writer, editor and has her own private practice. You can visit her website at www.physical-intelligence.com.

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E-Question: No E-Question on this topic.

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